The Bear's Progress

SkeptoBear's trip to James Randi's Amazing Meeting 2004

Day Ten
There ought to be clowns. Well, maybe next year.

Breakfast was again a quiet affair, with many people seen holding their heads, whispering and avoiding fried food. Too much chocolate can have that effect the next day. Everyone was also a little subdued because they realised that this was going to be the last day of the conference and new and old friends would be parting again soon.

The program started with three short presentations. The first speaker of the morning was Lieutenant Colonel Matt Morgan, who spoke about the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This was seen as a very appropriate topic as everyone seemed to be suffering from a severe increase in brain entropy after the previous night's adventures. He was followed by Dr Ray Hall who explained how science works, and Dr Dave Ewalt who gave a fascinating talk about getting the skeptical message into the media.

The next speaker was Dr Ray Beiersdorfer, who had been suffering throughout the conference from mispronunciation of his name and unsubtle remarks about his Hawaiian shirts. One of The Bear's companions could empathise with Ray about these matters. Ray is an expert on crystals, and he talked about the reality of crystals rather than the nonsense which permeates the newage mythology. There is enough beauty inherent in crystals without any need to imbue these rocks with magic powers. (The pictures on this page come from the Clarence R. Smith Mineral Museum at the Youngstown State University where Ray works. SkeptoBear showed a certain level of immaturity by loudly giggling when he read on the museum site that some minerals are called "arsemates". Could the word really be "arsenates"?)

After a short break it was time for Mr Randi to close the conference. As part of his closing he showed two videos. One was a marvellous performance by fake psychic (is there any other kind?) James Van Praagh which had been cleverly edited to string all the evasions and leading questions together. The second video showed the first card trick performed in space, where Mr Randi (on Earth) worked with astronaut Edward Lu in the Space Station. Nobody could say that the magician was touching the cards in this trick! It did not go unnoticed by Ray B and The Bear's companion that Ed Lu's Hawaiian shirt was very colourful indeed.

Then, suddenly, it was all over. The crowds dispersed, many heading towards the airport and home. SkeptoBear and his companions were not flying out until late that night, so they found themselves in a bar with several other conference attendees to conduct a debriefing. (The Bear was forced to sit at another table by himself for twenty minutes for asking whether "debriefing" meant that everyone had to take their underpants off.) A strange custom of Las Vegas was discovered during the afternoon. Most people understand the term "cocktail waitress" to mean a generally descriptive term for a bar worker, but it seems that in Las Vegas it might be a specific job limitation. When someone ordered a round of drinks which included spirits, beer and soft drinks, the waiter said that he couldn't take all the orders at once as he only did spirits. It looked like getting drinks to suit everyone could take some time and effort, but things were finally sorted out (probably by someone saying that they were a member of several different unions.)

Too soon, it was time for The Bear and his team to set off for San Francisco. A kind Rick Maue offered to drive them to the airport, and that is when The Great Clown Car Caper began. Rick's rental car was what used to be called a "sub-compact", which meant that it was capable of containing two people, one of those mirror-and-makeup things that ladies use to pretty themselves with, and a Subway sandwich. Unfortunately, this car was already full of Rick, his companion and their luggage before The Bear's entourage and their extensive baggage arrived in the carpark. Somehow, everything and everybody was crammed into this tiny vehicle and the thing was encouraged to accelerate to greater than walking pace. On arrival at the terminal, bystanders were treated to a scene like you see in a circus, where more people and things get out of a car than could possible be in there. SkeptoBear's male companion was heard to mutter something about not liking getting out of a car on his hands and knees. Still, Rick's generosity was appreciated.

The flight to San Francisco was uneventful. The fun started when the team got into a shuttle bus to be taken to their hotel. The bus had several passengers going to different hotels, and the conversation with The Bear's team went like this:

Driver: Where do you want to go?
Passenger: The Quality Inn at Union Square.
D: Do you know the address?
P: I think it's in Geary Street.
D I don't think there's a Holiday Inn there.
P: It's the Quality Inn.
D: Do you have a phone number for the Holiday Inn?
P: No, and I don't have one for the Quality Inn either.
D: (On radio to base) I have a passenger who wants to go to the Holiday Inn at Union Square. Where is it?
Base: Squawk. Screech. Unintelligible.
D: (To base) That's right, it's changed to Crowne Plaza.
D: (To passenger) It's called the Crowne Plaza now.
P: The Holiday Inn may well have changed its name, but I want the Quality Inn.
D: There is no Holiday Inn.
P: Quality Inn. It's the Quality Inn.
All other passengers in chorus: Quality, Quality, Quality!
D: Oh, you mean the Quality Inn. At Union Square. In Geary Street. Why didn't you say so?

The correct hotel was finally located, and the weary team went to their rooms and unpacked. The male traveller had a shower, put on his pyjamas and settled down with a book. But where were his reading glasses? As he got out the spare pair he remembered, and he allowed himself a smile at the thought that whoever was now sitting in seat 17E in a certain United Airlines Boeing 737 was having their hindquarters examined by a pair of 1.75 dioptre lenses.

It had been that sort of a day.