The Bear's Progress
SkeptoBear's trip to James Randi's Amazing Meeting 2004
Day Nine
With a rebel yell they cried- "more, more, more"
 Bob Park |
 Stephen Barrett |
 Phil Plait |
 Julia Sweeney |
It was a subdued and capeless SkeptoBear who joined everyone for breakfast. As he drizzled honey on his bacon he was heard to say that he was a reformed Bear and had learned his lesson the night before. His companions had heard it all many times before, but they hid their skepticism and hoped that his resolution would last beyond the party that they would be attending that evening. After breakfast it was time to go to the conference room where coffee and Danish pastries were available for those whose appetite had not been sated by hotcakes, bacon and eggs. SkeptoBear asked whether people in Denmark ate American pastries. (It was evident that there were few if any people at the conference with psychic abilities, otherwise someone would have predicted that within about a year Australia and Denmark would be united by a royal marriage.)
The first speaker for the day was Bob Park from the University of Maryland and the American Physical Society. Dr Park produces the weekly What's New newsletter and is the author of an excellent book called Voodoo Science. Dr Park described the seven signs which indicate that a scientist is really a pseudoscientist:
- Discoveries are announced to the media, not in peer-reviewed journals
- A powerful establishment suppresses the discovery
- The effect is at the limits of detection and usually only demonstrated by torturing statistics
- Evidence is anecdotal
- The knowledge has been known for centuries, because people who lived in the past knew more than we know today
- The pseudoscientist works in isolation, not as a part of any establishment research facility
- New laws of nature need to be proposed to explain what is happening.
The next speaker was Dr Stephen Barrett, who runs the Quackwatch web site. When SkeptoBear had been using the computer in Starbucks a few days before he had seen a message in an alternative medicine forum in which some quackery supporter had observed that both The Bear's male companion and Dr Barrett were going to be speakers at the same conference and that this indicated that "Satan will be in the room". The Bear sniffed for a hint of brimstone in the air, but he was disappointed. He so wanted to have his photograph taken with the Prince of Darkness. Dr Barrett talked about the battle against medical fraud, and the way that the quacks used every dirty tactic they could find to prevent anyone turning over the rocks they live under. SkeptoBear remembered the horror of Hulda Clark's Tijuana cancer clinic, and he was pleased to be sitting next to someone who had been named with Dr Barrett in a law suit brought by that hideous fraud.
The final speaker before lunch was Phil Plait. Dr Plait is usually referred to as the "Bad Astronomer", although most reports suggest that is in fact a well-behaved and competent astronomer. He gets the name because he has a web site called Bad Astronomy, where he shows up the idiocy of moon landing deniers and other people with strange ideas about how the universe works. On this occasion, Phil talked about the predictions of how the world was supposed to end in 2003 (or perhaps some other year) and how the most bizarre and unrelated facts can be combined to support a crazy theory. He even talked about his shower curtain.
After lunch the stage was turned over to the professionals. First up was Julia Sweeney, who had everyone falling about with laughter at her description of her progression from Catholicism to atheism. Even in a room full of skeptics there were some sideways glances when she talked about her youthful erotic fantasies involving Jesus, but SkeptoBear said that he could easily forgive such a lapse when it came from someone so cute. Yes, he actually said "cute". Julia was highly entertaining, as should be expected from a professional entertainer performing a well-rehearsed stage act. Someone later commented that it seemed from her life story that she moved from one massive enthusiasm to another and that she could very well not be an atheist the next time she appeared. The Bear hoped to be elsewhere if Julia ever decided to become an Amway distributor.
Everyone must have by now have received at least a hundred emails from Nigeria offering vast wealth in exchange for bank account details. The next act was Dean Cameron and his "Nigerian Spam Scam Scam". Dean has engaged one of the spammers in a long email conversation and it was presented here as a dialogue, with Dean's friend Victor playing the part of the Nigerian. Hilarious! The last performance for the day was from magician Lance Burton, who demonstrated how Harry Houdini used to escape from straight jackets. The Bear thought that this was a useful skill, as he often awoke in strange places with his clothes on backwards and needed to make a hasty departure. After Lance there was another panel discussion, this time about "Skepticism and the Entertainment Industry". To nobody's surprise, Penn Jillette had a lot to say.
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While waiting to go out to dinner with the conference speakers and organisers, SkeptoBear took part in an experiment in social psychology. It had been noticed over the previous few days that gentlemen had been approaching The Bear's lady companion and using the presence of The Bear to initiate a conversation. The humans had been putting this down to the lady's attractive appearance, but SkeptoBear had been insisting that he was the actual attractive force as the gentlemen were simply recognising that any lady in his presence was a lady of taste, intelligence and discrimination. It was resolved to test the theory by having The Bear's male companion sit with him in the hotel foyer while the lady went elsewhere. Within minutes two attractive young women approached the pair and started conversations by first mentioning The Bear. To the chagrin of his companions, it seemed that The Bear really was an excellent accessory to have when attending a singles' bar. As neither of his companions were single they decided that the matter would never be talked of again.
It was at the dinner party when things started to go wrong again. There was booze, there was a loud dance band, there was more booze, ... Inhibitions were swept away, not that SkeptoBear had many to start with, and no woman was to be spared an amorous approach. When someone was heard to say "Look at the bear-chested woman" it was time to go. Luckily, it was not far back to the hotel and when the group got there they found the tail end of a chocolate tasting competition. A few squares of Belgian fruit & nut calmed The Bear's companions down and all were soon friends again. It's hard to stay annoyed with SkeptoBear, especially when he is encouraging people to stand in the middle of a dance floor and perform spoon-bending tricks.
There was a moment of disappointment. A mobile phone was passed from hand to hand until it reached one of The Bear's companions, and he was told that free tickets to the ABBA musical Mamma Mia were waiting to be picked up at the Mandalay by SkeptoBear and his team. Unfortunately it became a problem of logistics, as the message arrived only about five minutes before the show started. It was calculated that by the time a taxi had been arranged and everyone had got to the theatre the show would have been half over and they might not have been allowed in anyway. More chocolates were consumed, and the group went to the bar to console themselves with some refreshments.
The rest of the night remains cloaked in mystery, because nobody can remember what happened.
Previous: Speakers, heroes, magicians! what a day!
Next: There ought to be clowns. Well, maybe next year.
